Week Two

Eventually I'll come up with better titles...

Week one was slow. Week two FLEW.

I saw a movie with new friends and those same friends invited me to a concert on Friday and to watch the Ireland v Scotland rugby match on Sunday. I got a library card; I saw Petey USA; I got a tad further on my knitting project; I watched Severance; I did laundry; I made soup; I worked out at my local gym; I had another ISL class.

I like having this page as a journal I can look back on, and to update you all on what my life is like over here. I do feel strange writing about new friends. It feels fragile. Building friendships is essential to survival in a new place, and so in these beginning stages of friendship, I’m going to keep most of that to myself. Not that anyone asked for detailed updates on this aspect of my life, but I just felt the need to say it.

This week I had some existential, “Who am I here?” moments. Maybe it’s the confusion of new neighborhoods, maybe it’s drinking more than I normally do, maybe it’s the lack of routine. It’s a little bit of everything for sure. I am doing my best in those moments to just look around and be present, to remind myself that the discomfort will pass, and to remember I’m not some new person here. I didn’t think I would be a new person. But I guess an apt metaphor would be, I am a plant being repotted. It’s going to take some time to find my roots, to get used to my surroundings. Still the same me, but the new elements can feel harsh.

It’s in these moments of quiet discomfort that I’m really proud of myself. I realize.. I have done the work. A past version of myself may have run away scared or leaned on everyone else for advice instead of knowing my own strength and resilience. Instead of knowing my perspective is just as valid as everyone else. Instead of trusting myself.

There’s a feeling I’ve been trying to grasp, but putting words to it is tough. Things right now feel immediate. Like, all I can do is just the next thing in front of me. It would make sense for life to feel really big right now, I’m in a new place, new opportunities, new people, new experiences! But it actually all just feels close. Not entirely claustrophobic, but not whimsical either. I think when you’re settled in a place, the world feels a bit more expansive. I guess I’m back to the plant metaphor here…

When a plant is growing, the beginning stages are survival. It’s in the dark, extending its roots, finding its resources, understanding its environment, quite literally, getting its footing. And it’s not until this foundation is established that the plant feels ready to emerge and to grow in all of its wild, bright beauty. I’m doing the rooting now. I feel a bit in the dark, searching for the resources. But because I am extending and reaching out, I’m finding them. The wild, expansive beauty is coming, but for now I’m just grateful to feel all the nuanced in between.

^^This sort of feels obvious and is what everyone says about moving and why it’s hard, but it’s all novel to me, so excuse my obviousness and earnestness.

I’m a little bit of a sick girl right now, stuffy nose and sore throat, but I put some photos and little bits of art on the wall today. It’s very nice to see my peoples’ faces surrounding me, reminding me where I come from. Tomorrow I’ll tackle some more interview prep, for job interviews I don’t have, but want to be ready for when they (hopefully) hit.

Thanks for tuning into this week’s meanderings. We’ll see what week three has in store.

Miscellaneous observations from the week:

Folks here will just sit outside at coffee shops patios, in their winter coats, and have their cup of coffee or lunch in 30-degree (F) weather.

There’s no proper side of the sidewalk to walk on. Cars stay on the left-hand side. But if you’re on the sidewalk it’s truly the wild west. I am the daughter of a staunch, stay-to-the right, pass on the left Chicago woman, and this indecision drives me crazy.

Dates are in my top-five favorite foods, and I am missing my California medjool dates. They have medjool here from Jordan and Palestine, but they’re hard to find and some are as much as FOUR times the price at TJs.